The word “narcissist” is used in everyday life to refer to a person who only thinks of himself or who seems to have fallen in love with his reflection. If you have a narcissistic partner or friendship, it’s time to cut to the chase. It will not be easy, but if you follow these steps you will achieve it, of this I am sure.
- Do not take responsibility for his life and his past:
It is possible that, when you consider cutting off all relationships with such a person, you may have feelings of guilt or shame, or that you may try to take responsibility for something that is not yours. Or worse yet, that the thought comes to you of “surely I can change this person”.
Stop there. It is impossible to change an adult person at will. If it were, the world would be a completely different place. You can only help change a person by becoming an example to follow, and there is no better way to teach not to depend on others than to cut that relationship of emotional dependence that is doing you so much damage.
2. Not a single chance:
You must know that the narcissist will not change if you give him an ultimatum. He will pretend that he has changed, that he is something else entirely.
Don’t fall into that trap, no matter how convincing his performance is and no matter how tempting it is to avoid drama.
Do you want to waste so much time with such a person when you could be devoting time, energy, and strength to more promising activities or people? Think that you already gave an opportunity, and it was the one that began when you started the relationship. One, and no more.
3. Use your moments of clarity to take the plunge:
Breaking up with someone is complicated, and breaking up with a narcissistic person is even more so. It is possible that he has alienated you from friends and family, with which you will lack external consciences that tell you that you should cut now. Psychologists recommend being very supportive in your brief moments of clarity. The important thing is to maintain that conclusion. It will give you the energy to leave without looking back.
4. Prepare the exit before announcing it:
When you say “we better give ourselves some time”, the show will start. If it’s a friendship, slamming the door will be easy. Say “goodbye” and that’s it.
Things get complicated when it’s a couple. Do you live together? Make a staggering move of your most important objects and belongings; prioritize computers, mobile phones, or any device that can provide the narcissist with access to your private documents. An angry narcissistic person can be capable of anything.
Suggested book about NPD:
5. Zero contact:
If you managed to leave cleanly and quickly, you’ve already overcome the difficult part. But if you make the mistake of contacting that person, you will open the door again and it will be very difficult to close it again.
The psychological help portal recommends a literal zero contact. If it is necessary to talk to the narcissistic person about economic issues, for example, use an intermediary person. That she be a friend, family member, and even someone of authority such as a lawyer (already in extreme cases). Someone, in short, who does not feel influenced by the manipulations.
6. Digital zero contact:
This section is homegrown and created from what I have seen as a witness of breakups with narcissistic people. In these times, making a physical zero contact is relatively easy. The complicated thing is to maintain digital zero contact.
It is very common for the narcissistic person to harass virtually. Imagine waking up one day and seeing that, among your mobile notifications, there is a Facebook Like of that person you want to avoid. Or that Instagram notifies you that they have seen your profile.
Before, or immediately after breaking up with this person, block them from all social networks: Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, LinkedIn, TikTok… everything you can think of. Did you have it in your console or Steam contacts? Out too. Also, block his phone number and configure your email service so that all his messages go directly to spam.
7. Recover and/or strengthen your social life:
If you have been with a narcissistic person for a long time, it is normal for you to believe that you no longer have anyone, because they forced you to cut off all relationships. It may seem harsh at first, but it is not.
Experts recommend, focusing on restoring those relationships you thought were lost. Two cool things will happen: the first is that you will discover that everything bad that the narcissist told you about you was a rotten lie; you will find support and people who love you for who you are and who will know how great you are. Secondly, since you will invest all your attention in going out, staying, laughing, and enjoying yourself… you will detoxify almost without realizing it.
8. Your only date: with the gym:
Exercise, at home, on the street, or in the gym, lifts the spirit. Alongside mitigating the negative effects of chronic stress on the body, routine exercise can improve mental health. Many experts believe that an exercise routine is as powerful as treating anxiety or emotional disorders with antidepressants.
9. A nail doesn’t take out another nail, and less this one:
As a general rule, looking for straws, sentimentally or sexually speaking, never works. But it is that in the case of breaking up with a narcissistic person, it will be even worse.
