While a mother wants her children to live a healthy, happy, and self-respecting life, it’s not always an easy task. Motherhood is accompanied by its share of challenges and stresses which can cause problems in a relationship between mother and child. A mother’s love can sometimes become unrealistic when she makes unreasonable demands on her children or treats them as commodities for her gratification.
If you feel like you are living with a narcissistic mother in your home, you are not alone. Narcissistic mothers can be difficult for their children and for anyone who has spent time around them. The biggest question is: how do you know if your mom is narcissistic?
This article discusses 11 signs to identify a narcissistic mother and how to deal with it.
#1 – She doesn’t show empathy toward you
You might notice that your mom doesn’t seem to care about you. She might be completely focused on herself, and her own needs.
If this is the case, you might start to feel like an outsider in your own family. You might feel left out of conversations with her or wonder why she’s so mean to you.
It’s hard being around someone who doesn’t show empathy for you or understand what you’re going through. It can be even harder when it’s your mother!
#2 – She gives compliments, but always with a backhanded twist
A narcissist will tell you how wonderful you are, but only after she has criticized you, humiliated you, and belittled your achievements.
For example, she’ll tell you how beautiful you look or how smart you are, but then she’ll add that if you weren’t so lazy, it would be easier for her.
#3 – She bullies you; shows no regard for your boundaries or feelings
Your mother wants to be the center of your world, but she also needs you to do things her way. She may try to get you to take on responsibilities that are not yours if she can’t handle them herself (like your sister). This might include cleaning up after her messes and taking care of her personal hygiene. If she doesn’t have time to do these things herself, she will often ask you to do them despite your protests.
Suggested Book “Narcissistic Mothers” Caroline Foster:
#4 – She ignores your wants and needs in favor of her own
Narcissistic mothers tend to see their children as extensions of themselves, and they often have deep emotional needs that are neglected or ignored by the narcissist. The narcissistic mother will often focus on her wants and needs, but not those of her children. She may even ignore their emotional needs in favor of her own.
#5 – Your happiness comes second to hers
The narcissist’s need for attention can be very frustrating for other people around them because they aren’t showing any signs of caring about others’ emotions or feelings at all! They will often make you feel like you are no longer important or part of their world if you are not doing what they want or acting the way they want you to.
#6 – She left you out of family plans at home or on holiday
A narcissistic mother will often isolate her children from family gatherings, events, and holidays. She may also leave them out of plans at home or on holiday.
The narcissistic mother is not interested in what you think or feel about anything. She does not care how you feel about her, so long as she gets her way.
#7 – She has a huge and fragile ego
The narcissistic mother will always have some kind of an inflated sense of self-importance. This is because she has had to develop a very high level of sensitivity and awareness, which she uses as a way to control others. She can be very sensitive to any slight that she perceives in herself or her children.
Suggested Book “Recovering from Narcissistic Mothers” Brenda Stephens:
#8- She uses nonstop shaming as a form of punishment
A narcissistic mother does not like to be told no or criticized for anything she does wrong. If her child does not do something properly, she will constantly criticize them for not doing it right or for being lazy or stupid when it comes to schoolwork or chores around the house. Her constant negative comments about her child’s mistakes are meant to hurt and humiliate them into submission so they won’t ever question what they’re doing again or try harder next time around!
#9 – She’s never wrong (and will make sure you know it)
A narcissistic mother will always be right and she’ll do anything to make sure you know it. She may not even realize she’s doing it, but if you speak up about anything, she’ll immediately jump in with her two cents.
She won’t accept any criticism of her and will give you a hard time when you try to defend yourself. If you say something that makes her feel bad or that doesn’t go the way she wants it to, she’ll become angry with you and cut off all contact with you.
#10 – She is super clingy and needy
Narcissists are obsessed with making people feel dependent on them. If they don’t have this feeling of being needed, they become very angry and upset. They want their children to be dependent on them so they can feel in control of their lives again. Narcissistic mothers do this by constantly texting or calling their child, asking how things are going at school or work, even when they’re not around (which happens often).
#11 – She criticizes the way you look (or the way you do things) in front of others
The narcissistic mother is unlikely to make her criticisms behind closed doors; instead, she’ll make them in front of as many people as possible. Why? Because she wants everyone else to know how awful you are so that they feel sorry for her and admire her for having such an unfortunate child!
How to deal with a narcissistic mother
The first step to dealing with a narcissistic mother is to understand that she has a mental illness. A narcissistic personality disorder is characterized by a lack of empathy, a tendency to lie and manipulate, and an overwhelming need for attention.
The best way to deal with a narcissist is to avoid them as much as possible. However, if you are unable to keep your distance or have other responsibilities with your mother, then you must learn how to cope with her behavior and protect yourself from further abuse.
Here are some tips for dealing with a narcissistic mother:
- Accept that your mother’s behavior is a reflection of her, not you.
- Try to avoid spending time alone with your mother.
- When speaking with your mother, try to keep the conversation light and focused on neutral topics.
- Do not feed into her need for attention by giving it to her.
- Set boundaries with your mother so that she understands what behaviors are inappropriate.
- Ignore your narcissistic mother if you can.
- Avoid engaging in arguments with her.
- Try to focus on the positive characteristics of your relationship with her.
Conclusion
To conclude, relationships with narcissistic mothers can be draining and painful, but they don’t have to be. Depending on the type of narcissism that the mother is suffering from, she may or may not want to change her behavior. She may refuse to acknowledge that there’s even a problem in the first place.
But you still have options when it comes to dealing with it for yourself. Learn about narcissism, learn about your boundaries, and don’t allow yourself to feel guilty for doing what you need to do for your mental health.