What is Narcissistic Gaslighting?
“You didn’t hear me right because I didn’t say that”
“You are too sensitive, it should not affect you so much”
“You are just insecure and jealous”
These are some of the phrases that perfectly exemplify how gaslighting can materialize. In this type of psychological abuse, not only does it invalidate the emotions of the victim, but it also seeks to blame them for them.
We can suffer from gaslighting at work, in our family, and with our friends. One of the situations in which it is most often repeated is within relationships.
How can we know that we are suffering from gaslighting? Is there any way to get out? When we are in the center of the hurricane it is difficult to see the storm. In this article, we will talk about what gaslighting is, how it is related to narcissistic psychopaths and how to get out of this situation.
What is gaslighting?
Gaslighting is a type of emotional abuse that seeks to manipulate the victim’s perception of reality to gradually sow doubt in her judgments and decisions, making her more vulnerable and easily controllable.
This type of psychological abuse is typical in narcissistic psychopaths. In relationships, emotional manipulation is the means used to keep a partner or a friendship. They will do this by making them feel inferior and making them believe that they are not trying enough to take care of the relationship.
The typical behavior of people who gaslight their partners is, for example, denying something that happened or invalidating a person’s emotions, but there are also other types of signs, which we detail below.
Signs that you suffer from gaslighting:
Realizing that we are suffering from gaslighting is not easy. Added to this is the feeling of inadequacy, great confusion, and also fear of confrontation since this could mean the end of the relationship, something for which we are not emotionally prepared.
Signs that there is gaslighting in your relationship, work, or friendship:
– You do not trust your judgment. You doubt whether those things that bother you are legal or if you are exaggerating the facts.
– You apologize or are constantly apologizing.
– Feeling of inferiority: you feel inadequate and have a great lack of self-esteem.
– Each part of your behavior must be justified in order not to make the other person angry. We want to avoid conflict.
– Fear of confrontation or expressing what makes us feel bad in the relationship because that will lead to an argument.
– You live from the nostalgia of the first months of a relationship with that person.
– You feel that the relationship you had with your friends and family has worsened or you have distanced yourself from them for not explaining.
– They attribute a different meaning to the initial intentions of your actions.
The behavior of a narcissistic psychopath: phases of gaslighting:
Within the gaslighting process, we can define different phases that can also help us detect that we are suffering from gaslighting. The behavior of a narcissistic psychopath is marked by the following stages:
Idealization of the relationship:
In this phase of gaslighting, the person who gaslights “adores” the victim, and the latter projects the image of an ideal partner. In this phase, the person who is abused is hooked or falls in love with the other.
Mistrust begins:
The victim still does not doubt her judgment, but she is unaware of the psychological abuse she is receiving and wonders what is going on and what she can do to gain the abuser’s approval.
Confrontation:
The victim begins by confronting and refuting the accusations of the narcissistic psychopath but is contradicted by excuses, lies, and justifications that end up blaming her behavior. Little by little she begins to feel inadequate and her self-esteem decreases. She looks for how to get back to that initial situation of “idealization”. In this case, we seek an “explanation” for the abuser’s behavior, but it is not provided.
Dependency and depression:
The victim’s self-esteem is so low that she needs the narcissistic person to feel better. After manipulative behaviors and abusive comments, these are compensated with a “prize” (a compliment, having a special detail, buying a gift). The damage caused is “covered up” and the abuser’s patience is thanked, believing that no one else would be able to deal with her mistakes and blunders.
Suggested Books about Gaslighting:
How can you get out of there?
First of all, we want to offer you our sincere help. If you think you are in a similar situation, you do not have to fight it on your own. You can count on the help of an expert in psychology who will give you the strength you need.
From the outside, it seems very obvious when a relationship is harming us or is harmful to us. It seems easy to get out of it, fix it. “Leave her and that’s it”, “Don’t pay attention to her”, “Cut off the relationship”.
The bond that is established between victim and abuser is sometimes too strong.
From here we give you some guidelines that will help you regain confidence in yourself and strengthen your self-esteem in these circumstances:
– Listen to your instinct again and start taking it into account when making decisions
– Communicate how you feel to someone you trust. Talking to people away from the situation provides a more objective view of the situation.
– Recover, little by little, your relationships. Those people who appreciate you will know how to understand your situation and will not blame you. It will improve your self-esteem and you will lose the fear of loneliness.
– Detect the signs that we have indicated and be aware that this is a problem.
– Understand that your emotions are yours and that you cannot be blamed for them or manipulated. Understand, from respect for others and self-knowledge, that the way you feel is lawful after certain behaviors and that you have the right to feel bad about it.
Finally, the last point is that you go to the help of a specialist in psychology. As we have expressed previously, an outside opinion and also an expert will give you the reinforcement you need to rebuild your self-esteem and get out of a situation like this.