Among toxic relationships, a relationship with a narcissistic person may be one of the worst possible. Narcissists are full-fledged emotional vampires: they cast a spell first with their glamor and gallantry, then leave you with no energy, no friends, and no self-esteem.

The great news is, there is always an option to get out of it. You can get out of a relationship with a narcissistic person, be it a friend or partner. In this article, we will explain how to spot someone like that, and then figure out how to walk away with a good literal and metaphorical door slam.

This list is not complete and it contains enough indicators to detect narcissists.

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1. At first they are too much charm:

At first, they are the charming princes and princesses from the Disney movies. That a narcissistic person impacts you as soon as you meet them is not accidental; experts even call this technique they use “love bombing”.

2. They constantly seek your compliments:

If a narcissistic person has been so “cool” at first, it is because he feeds on your attention. He is a vampire of flattery. It’s easy to spot: try not to praise a possibly narcissistic person when they start their usual “have you noticed how cool I’m late?”. Two things will happen, possibly the one after the other: he’ll move the lever to explain or perform even more incredible feats, and/or he’ll get really, really, really cranky.

There is a problem with that: no matter what you say to it, no matter what you do to it, no matter how many flowers you throw in its path… It will never be enough.

The study Implicit and Explicit Self-Esteem Discrepancies: Implications for Narcissism and Self-Esteem Instability, published in the Journal of Personality, delves into this.

As a general rule, narcissistic people had a terrible childhood. Their parents, mentors, or authority figures undermined their self-esteem to the point of atomizing them. Therefore, no matter how much such a person says, or hears, that it is great, inside they do not believe anything, they will feel empty and will intensify their failed strategy to achieve the same result.

3. First red alert: where are your friends?

There are two early signs during a relationship with a narcissistic person that it’s best to walk away. One goes after the other, they are like sisters separated at birth.

The first sign is that perhaps you are dating their friends… but they always change. There is no friend or friend who repeats and if you ask about them, the narcissistic person will tell you that in the end, they were not good people.

The medium-long term plan is to create a tremendous dependency relationship. That it is impossible for you to break up with this person because you have ended up moving away from everyone else.

4. His weapon of choice: gaslight like there’s no tomorrow:

“Gaslighting” or psychologically disqualifying someone (a more correct term) means manipulating a person or a group of people so that they question their reality, their memories, and even their perceptions.

Drop the lie. For example, an exaggeration of your flaws to make you feel inferior: “You are pathetic, when are you going to do something useful?”

Repeat it constantly and take every opportunity to remember it. In private or in the company.

If you dare to contradict them, turn the comment into a tremendous argument. Turn it into a show if it’s a public place.

Increase the attack at the slightest notice that you have already psychologically fallen.

If he can, he will spread that lie among his friends (or, above all, his own) so that you feel ashamed and do not want to meet anyone except the narcissistic person.

From time to time, he will perform acts of superficial love (similar to those of the time of the “bombing”) to give you false hope, so that you believe that things are not so bad either.

The end result of all this: full and complete control of your life and your emotions. So, pay attention if one of your most repeated phrases begins to be: “I don’t know why you say that, I’m sure it’s not like that, look”.

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5. Total lack of empathy:

Empathy is vital for cooperation and friendship. Without empathy, there is no humanity, just a world of disparate individuals with no social glue to hold them together.

Empathy, that is, roughly speaking, connecting with others, and understanding them, is created organically in childhood thanks to a healthy social environment. In the previous section we have already seen that, unfortunately, narcissistic people have lacked this type of environment.

Functional people have had many experiences throughout their childhood where they have been admired and understood by their primary caregivers, whereas narcissistic person lacks these experiences.

6. His taboo word: “Forgive”:

A narcissistic person will never apologize, especially when it is clear that he is wrong. If you know someone who does not win all the debates or discussions but closes the band to any argument against him, be very careful.

The worst of all? Narcissists always want to be right because they are convinced that they are absolute masters and owners of the truth. They believe their own lie.

So, when you argue with a narcissistic person, he will not listen to you, he will not want to understand you, and he will disregard any responsibility that corresponds to him. And he will twist situations like him being late for a date until he becomes the victim.

7. Narcissistic people panic if you threaten to leave them:

This indicator only appears when you have already taken the step to distance yourself from these types of people, but knowing its existence will help you know that you are taking the first step.

It’s normal to go into melodrama if someone leaves you. But narcissists undergo a spectacular transformation. They become for a short time the people they were at the beginning, and suddenly they pay attention to everything you say.